
Nady strikes out. If he puts the ball in play, we almost definitely get a run. Painful images of Jeromy Burnitz, the Diamondbacks, and a hot June afternoon flash through my head. I can not decipher exactly what these visions signify, only that my head throbs as I see them. I shake myself out of it and tune back into the game. We are still in a good situation, as Ronny Paulino is stepping in with one out. He has struggled early in 2007, but has been productive with runners on in his young career. Paulino strikes out. I can not keep my eyes open, as an even more painful visualization of Freddy Sanchez and those same Diamondbacks moves clearly into my mind. What the hell was that?? According to Sanchez’s career stats, he has struck out 108 times in the Major Leagues (EDIT: This was written before he struck out four times this afternoon. Maybe I jinxed him). But I don’t recall seeing it happen once with my own eyes, especially looking as bad as he did in this vision. Several seconds pass before this flash of pain subsides.
As expected, a resounding cheer explodes from the car’s speakers. The Milwaukee faithful commend their pitcher for striking out three consecutive Pirates. I pull into my garage and turn the key. The car falls completely silent and I do not move for several seconds. My mind is completely blank. My head no longer hurts, and my stomach has settled. I feel strangely calm. Maybe it is the fatigue. Maybe it is the fact that the Pirates still have 5½ innings to even the score. More likely, I am numb. I am numb from seeing this same situation repeated over and over for the past 14 years. Hope remains for a positive outcome each day, and failure causes tremendous pain. But that failure is expected. I have known nothing else since I was eight years old.
The rest of the game is a blur, as if I am watching it without wearing my contact lenses. I know the Brewers are letting Chris Duffy run around at will. I know that Jason Bay mildly threatens to hit for the cycle. I know that we lose 7-3. Most of all, I know that this game will be burned into my subconscious forever. It will flash before my eyes the next time this same situation arrives.





The Pirates will travel to Cincinnati and open a three-game series with the Reds tomorrow night. Paul Maholm will make his first start of the season, and will look to continue the Pirates' current winning streak. Hopefully Great American Ballpark will help break the Pirates' offense out of its slow start. I will be driving to Cincy to attend the game tomorrow, so expect a first-hand report sometime this weekend. 














